With Apologies To "Westside Story"

Strange things happen in my head sometimes.  Especially during off season.  I think it’s the heat and the fact that I’m still delirously happy that Teemu is back for another year.  Therefore I present to you, dear reader, my rendition of the “When You’re A Jet” song from the movie “Westside Story”.  Sure, there’s some fantasy land involved, but I sort of had to because the first line has to do with “sharks”….
I have also challenged all my fellow sports writers to do the same.  I’m hoping that hilarity will ensue!!!
SELANNE:         Against the Sharks, we need every stick we got.
GETZLAF:          Kariya don’t belong no more.
SELANNE:         Zip it, Getzy. Me and Kariya practically invented the Ducks.
RYAN:               Well, he acts like he don’t wanna belong.
SEXTON:           Who the heck wouldn’t wanna be a Duck!
GETZLAF:          Kariya ain’t been with us for just about time out of mind.
FOWLER:          What about that day youse guys clobbered the Oilers in ‘93?
BONINO:           Which you couldn’t have done without Kariya!
CHIPCHURA:    Teemu, he saved your ever-lovin’ neck!
SELANNE:         Right! He’s always come through for us and he will now.
When you’re a Duck,
You’re a Duck all the way
From your first puck to the teeth
To your last dyin’ day.
When you’re a Duck,
When your stick hits a man,
You’ve got Parros around,
You’re a family man!
You’re never alone,
You’re never disconnected!
We’ve got Koivu and Marchy.
When the ‘Wings are expected,
Bobby’s got you well protected!
The saucer’ll be set up by Corey
With a capital P,
Which you’ll never forget;
Till the trainers cart you away.
When you’re a Duck,
You stay a Duck!
SELANNE:               I know Kariya like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in.
PARROS:                 Whatever.  Enough yappin’, let’s get crackin’!
BROOKBANK:       Where we gonna find Pronger?
SELANNE:               At Wells Fargo Center.
ETEM (shocked):      But that’s neutral territory!  We don’t have a game today!
KOIVU(calmingly):   He’s just gonna make nice. He’s only gonna challenge him.
HILLER:                   Great, Daddy-O!
SELANNE:               So everybody get you’re blades sweet and sharp.
When the Ducks skate in on this cornball practice,
We’ll be the fiercest things on ice.
When the chicks dig us annihilating their boys from the USA’s attic,
They’re gonna flip, gonna flop, gonna go manic!
SELANNE:         Meet Kariya and me at three. And walk tall!
FESTERLING:   We always walk tall!
VOROS:             We’re Ducks!
LUPUL:              The greatest!
When you’re a Duck,
You’re the top cat in town,
You’re the Stanley Cup kid
With the heavyweight crown!
When you’re a Duck,
You wear the black and gold proud.
Little boy, you’re a man;
Man, you will rock that crowd!
The Ducks are in gear,
Our sticks are a’ clickin’!
The Sharks’ll steer clear
‘Cause ev’ry fish is a chicken!
Here come the Ducks
Like a canard out of hell.
Someone bumps our goalie,
Someone don’t feel so well!
Here come the Ducks:
Little Kings, step aside!
Better go play soccer,
Better run, better hide!
We’re toeing the blue line,
So keep your noses hidden!
We’re hangin’ a sign,
Says “Devils forbidden”
And we ain’t kiddin’!
Here come the Ducks,
And we’re gonna beat
Ev’ry last buggin’ team
On the whole friggin’ street!
EM over at Broad Street Buzz took a stab at it as well!

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