Look At All That Shiny Hardware…

The NHL Awards ceremony at the Palms Las Vegas was definitely a mixed bag of genuine emotion, interesting entertainment, drunken merriment and funny soundbites.

The only aspect I still can’t wrap my brain around is why in the world was Snoop Dogg part of any of this?  Now, I can understand why there was a Cirque performance (they were in Vegas, after all), but how often do you put “hockey” and “rap” in the same sentence?

Anyway, moving away from that befuddlement, the festivities were finally aired someplace besides NHL.com – VERSUS – for whom hockey has been very good and don’t forget, they’ll be broadcasting the DRAFT as well!

Okay, since this is all about the Ducks, let’s start with the Bobby vs. Ryan sketch. Wait, that sounds confusing.  It’s not Bobby Ryan vs. himself in some sort of MPD fantasy land, its Bobby Ryan vs. Ryan Getzlaf!  Oh, and the painting really was done by Bobby.  My favourite quotes from Bobby: “Everyone says Canadians are so nice and you know what?  NOT TRUE.” and “If that guy calls me ‘Silver’ one more time, I’m gonna lose it.”  Let’s have a look, shall we?

Not all the jokes were all that great, but as the MC Jay Mohr said to a heckler, “Hey, how many hockey jokes have YOU had to write?”

Here are a few of the funnies:

Jay Mohr: (referring to Alex Ovechkin) That’s a big, scary man.  After here, he’s gonna go into the Pacific Northwest and scare some campers…is he laughing?

Mark Wahlberg: This is Vegas and a lot of Canadians here too, so pretty much everybody’s drunk, right?

Detroit Redwings’ Pavel Datsuk: (accepting the Selke) I want to thank Management…for paying me…

Phoenix Coyotes Coach, Dave Tippett: (accepting the Jack Adams) It’s one of those nights where a lot of people stand up and thank their owners…I would do that except I don’t know all 29 of them.

Tampa Bay Lightning’s Martin St. Louis: (accepting the Lady Byng) I owe this award to Brad Richards because he told me that Christmas cards to the Referees works all the time.

Guy “Le Démon Blond” Lafleur: Thank you for mentioning I won the Hart [trophy] twice.  By the way, I also won the award for best hair 10 years in a row, but nobody talks about that!

Here’s the rundown:

CALDER MEMORIAL TROPHY – Award for outstanding rookie

Winner: Tyler Myers, Buffalo Sabres

Nominees: Matt Duchene, Colorado Avalanche; Jimmy Howard, Detroit Red Wings

FRANK J. SELKE TROPHY – • Award for outstanding defensive forward

Winner: Pavel Datsyuk, Detroit Red Wings

Nominees: Ryan Kesler, Vancouver Canucks; Jordan Staal, Pittsburgh Penguins

HART MEMORIAL TROPHY – Awarded to most valuable player to his team

Henrik Sedin, Vancouver Canucks

Nominees: Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins; Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals

My Two Cents: Woohoo!  What an upset!  As Henrik said, now his brother can’t say he’s the better player.

JACK ADAMS AWARD – Award for outstanding coach

Winner: Dave Tippett, Phoenix Coyotes

Nominees: Joe Sacco, Colorado Avalanche; Barry Trotz, Nashville Predators

My Two Cents: Don’t you feel just a little sorry for Wayne?

JAMES NORRIS MEMORIAL TROPHY – Award for outstanding defenseman

Winner: Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks

Nominees: Drew Doughty, Los Angeles Kings; Mike Green, Washington Capitals

My Two Cents:  NOT Doughty?!  I’m in shock!

MASTERTON TROPHY – Awarded to player “who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey”

Winner: Jose Theodore, Washington Capitals

Nominees: Kurtis Foster, Tampa Bay Lightning; Jed Ortmeyer, San Jose Sharks

LADY BYNG MEMORIAL TROPHY – Awarded to the player who displays sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct

Winner: Martin St. Louis, Tampa Bay Lightning

Nominees: Pavel Datsyuk, Detroit Red Wings; Brad Richards, Dallas Stars

My Two Cents: Finally!  Someone besides a guy named after a Star Trek character won!

TED LINDSAY AWARD – Awarded to the most outstanding player as voted by fellow NHLPA members

Winner: Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals

Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins

Henrik Sedin, Vancouver Canucks

My Two Cents: Okay, we’ve got most outstanding player, now how about Biggest Showboater?

VEZINA TROPHY – Award for outstanding goaltender

Winner: Ryan Miller, Buffalo Sabres

Nominees: Martin Brodeur, New Jersey Devils; Ilya Bryzgalov, Phoenix Coyotes

My Two Cents:  Should’ve been Bryzgy; talk about a guy who carried his team!